While being an introvert has its own challenges, being an ambivert is probably even worse. According to the dictionary, an ambivert is a person who has a balance of extrovert and introvert features in their personality. This is not simple as it sounds. If you are an ambivert, your reactions to different situations will be so varied that even you cannot foresee it. And as a result, the people around you will mostly be confused as hell, wondering how you are going to react.
I have always considered myself to be an introvert, with sudden bouts of extroversions. When I am with my closest friends, it’s a time of no inhibitions for me. I can party all night, sing, dance, laugh like there is no tomorrow though deep inside me I would be craving to go back home, get into something comfy and watch a movie. But if there is someone new around, the urge to run home becomes overwhelming.
And if I come across an acquaintance, God help me. Mostly, if a see a person from afar, I take a detour so that we do not come face to face. Yeah, it is as bad as that! But then there a few rare good days, I might just chat with that person like old friends. But which day is a good day and which is typical, nobody knows. And hence, if the same acquaintance finds me trying to avoid him the next day, he considers me rude.
For the same reasons, finding love was not a cakewalk. After reaching mid-twenties, I had almost stopped meeting guys because I had no clue about what to talk to them. I did not consider myself an intellectual. I could not discuss neo-classical literature or philosophy for hours. I did not have much interest in sports or politics for that matter. I did not have any great hobbies or talent either. My job was not very exciting either. My friends used to say ‘be yourself.’ But in this case being myself was spending weekends with a new book or trying to write something that did not make much sense. So, no thank you.
I met my husband through a mutual friend who would not take no for an answer. So to humor her, I agreed to the meeting. Maybe it was him or it was a good day, things went smoothly. He still gets confused by me, but he is getting smarter.
Life has not been easy always, nor is it going to be. But then, things have a way of working themselves out. Extrovert, introvert or the confusing ambivert, at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter all that much.